Leonardo DiCaprio, Inception, and the “Lady Who Loved Freud Incident”

Dateline: Home Office, Austin, Texas. Crazy Dog and Sammy Davis, Jr. in charge.

The young psychology student came to me with a question. “Do you, as an experienced psychologist, think there is any value in reading the works of Sigmund Freud?”   I said, I thought so, but I can be entertained reading the back of a juice box, so I wouldn’t take my word as the final say.

She explained her reason for asking.  She’d been on a plane to New York reading her first real text on personality development which happened to focus on the theories of Sigmund Freud. The subject matter and new ideas had her excited about her chosen field of study.  As the plane taxied into the JFK terminal, her seatmate, whom we shall call Killjoy, asked her what she’d been reading. 

The Lady Who Loved Freud spilled forth with enthusiasm, sharing a couple of highlights.  Her seatmate, a Gentleman’s Quarterly dressed fellow (Why is the culprit messing with our world…always dressed better than we are?)…the sophisticated appearing man said, “Well, I guess some non-scientific people still read that kind of fluff.”

The Lady Who “Maybe” Loved Freud said to me, “I’m asking you because his remark took the edge off my mood. I started thinking maybe I’m not intellectual enough to ever be a psychologist.”

Whoa. 

The movie Inception is about a team of experts who can access your subconscious using secret sedatives and gadget machines.  Once into your subconscious, the team can “steal” your thoughts. The services of the “thought stealers” are bought by corporations who want to get a jump on impending company decisions and make a killing.

The thought stealing process is difficult for DiCaprio and his team to perform, but there is an even higher level of service offered.  This service is more complex and trickier and involves “planting” an idea or thought.  The thought plant technique used is a way to win the corporate wars.

As is said several times in the movie, once an idea is planted it multiples on its own in the brain.  “The idea grows and grows until it defines you or destroys you.” (Best guess at exact words.)

What I kept asking myself throughout the movie was, “Why are these guys going to all this trouble when planting an idea that grows and grows and changes behavior is really quite simple?”

This is not a movie review.  Just one freakish dame in cargo shorts sitting on the second row…thinking.

Remember the folks who built shelters and bought stockpiles of food to survive the turn of the millennium?  And what about the Heaven’s Gate followers who consented to castration and suicide as a way to meet up with the mother ship?  And Hitler?  Who hasn’t wondered how it was possible to convince Nazi underlings to load humans into freight train cars and worse?

The “Inception” technique was nowhere around.

Let’s go closer to home.  The girl who ends up battling anorexia switches to a food denial and compulsive exercise after a Saturday night when she and her friends are loading into a car and she is told to sit in front since she’s not “small.”  What about those careless words your special person said during an argument years ago, the cutting remarks you bring back to torture yourself when you’re down?  What about a criticism that remains with you as a secret fear….What if I am selfish like Mother said?

Sometimes an upset stranger in a passing car can do the trick.  Or, we can come up with thoughts, all by ourselves, that grow like bacteria.  What about the idea that “I not happy now, but when I lose the weight I’ll be happy….I’d love to write a memoir, but I’m not smart enough…I’d love to travel, but it’s too expensive for someone like me….”    

Maybe we step on the scales…or run into a friend who looks so much better than we do…or overhear an invitation to lunch when we haven’t been invited…or speak with a friend whose kids are incredibly successful…

And, thus, Mysteryshrink.com is about how to possibly make a dent in managing our emotions, thoughts, and actions…a little better…not collosal better like Budha or women who look good in shorts and cowboy boots….just a tiny bit better.  I’m in.

 

The Downer . . .

Now, technically, if you have a decent psychologist on your weekly schedule, you are IMMUNE  to the DOWNER  kick.  But, let’s face it, if you had those kind of bucks you’d be at the opera right now.

So, let’s work with what we have. 

The human has two guidance systems:  The EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE SYSTEM is dedicated to one purpose–to get rid of ANXIETY.  The E.G.S. operates AUTOMATICALLY and does not consider the FACTS of a situation.  The THINKING GUIDANCE SYSTEM does consider facts. 

Examples of the E.G.S. in charge:  educating (screaming at) other drivers, defending yourself claiming nothing bad that has ever happened to you is YOUR FAULT, not exercising because “if you don’t have an hour, it’s pointless”, procrastination in all its many forms, overspending, overeating, over-drinking, oversleeping, doing whatever is necessary to have the approval of certain people, who IF THEY GET ANXIOUS–YOU automatically GET ANXIOUS.

Posting Live:  My husband is working on his laptop across the room (practicing bridge hands).  When his screen does something he doesn’t expect (which happens often with the new wireless server I set up), he let’s out this big sigh and complains about his computer.  Of course, what I hear him saying is “I wish you’d just leave things the way they are and stop messing with my computer, overdoing it, like you always do.”  “Hearing” this I lose my “zone.”  I do what most of us do when picking up prickly signals from other people.  I TELL HIM WHAT HE SHOULD STOP DOING.  I make it very clear HE’s RUINING my mood.  That if HE CARED at all, he’d stifle himself.  Wise psychologist he is, he JUST KEEPS ON BEING HIMSELF.  Which is really annoying.  From here I usually start quoting people who agree with me or lay out an argument comparing his sighing to being laid waste by Hitler.  Of course, I just made that example up.  Okay, I didn’t.  So the DOWNER is when you react, when you put your EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE SYSTEM in charge and EXAGGERATE the affect someone else’s behavior has on you.    When you CLAIM what the other person does AUTOMATICALLY    changes your “zone.”

It’s a really tiring way to live, or so I’ve heard.

Tomorrow:  The Antidote.  Okay a beginning.

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

  While we’re tacking up things-that-don’t-exist on our PSYCHOBABBLE WALL OF SHAME, we might as well step up and face the TRIPLE MYTH about LOVE. 

Perhaps, you best snap on some sunshades.  The facts about TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for the WAY WE EXPERIENCE people, ourselves, and the world, are pretty flipping glaring to face.  Isn’t a psychologist supposed to help you out with identifying who messed you up and who’s messing up your experience now?  I know.  I’m disappointed myself. 

Myth One:  If my parents had loved me enough, I wouldn’t be having a hard time with life today. 

Myth Two:  If my spouse loved me enough, I wouldn’t be having a hard time with life today.  Excerpt from the next Jessica LeFave mystery“Las Vegas…the city of glitz and irresistable impulses…what better place to talk about love and addiction? After all, while Vegas is selling a dangerous fantasy, so is Cinderella.”

Myth Three:  If YOU (my therapist,   my friend, my sister, my brother, my boss, my teacher, my whomever) loved me enough, I wouldn’t be having a hard time with life today.

Tomorrow:  Self-Confidences, Part 2, Why praise can be the most dangerous thing that can happen to you.