How much of who you are is just living out the expectations of others?

How much of who you are is just holding off your fears?

How much of who I am is just a reaction to too many episodes of Most Shocking Police Videos?  (Gotcha.)

Back to The Wrestler.  Warning: Plot busters revealed in this post.

Randy the Ram (Mickey Rourke), The Wrestler, is a man who split rather than figure out how to have close relationships with people who were actually close (wife, daughter, friends).  Now, this is not to blame Randy or label him, because he, like the rest of us, came by his defense systems honestly. He reacted to anxiety by avoidance, which is actually a fairly popular method. 

And, the Ram had the bad luck of success as a “professional” wrestler.  If the Ram had had a thin build, a lack of discipline, or an allergy to steroids–perhaps he would have turned around, faced the real world, and managed lasting relationships. But, the Ram was good.

He fit in great with the other men who practiced their shows and reveled in the artificiality of what they were doing. Randy the Ram was good at fooling people.  The fans screamed for him.  He could hear them begging for him before he entered the ring.  They asked for his autograph.  The wife and the daughter never asked for his autograph.  When he was with his wife and daugter he didn’t know what he was supposed to do, which didn’t feel good at all.

For the Ram, praise became his addiction.  The fake part of him became the only part he valued because it was the only part of him valued by others. The movie begins when Randy the Ram is twenty years past his prime, broke, and broken.  He pathetically comes alive for thirty minutes a week playing small town VFW’s and selling his own memorabilia to marginal fans.

Then the Ram has a heart attack and is told by the surgeon who does his bypass that if he does more drugs or wrestles it will kill him.  At first he fights the idea, then he slides into a regular job in a deli, finds out he can deal with customers with humor and fun, and begins to think life as an ordinary (real) person might be possible for him.  He looks up his daughter and has a great afternoon.  Though he has disappointed the daughter all her life, with much effort he convinces her to meet him for dinner the next Saturday.  

The only relationship the Ram has is with a stripper (Marissa Torme) who, like him, survives by faking emotions she doesn’t have. As part of his effort to build a life, the Ram asks the stripper if they might have a real relationship and she rebuffs him.  Without experience or skills to deal with rejection, Randy the Ram loses it, goes on a drinking, drugging, sex with a stranger binge.  He forgets about the ”one last chance date” with his daughter and stands her up one more time.

Randy the Ram tries to recover with the daughter, but she’s had enough.  The Ram runs to the one place he feels comfortable like a junkie runs for the needle when times are tough.  The ring.  Under the spotlight, hearing the crowd.  And it kills him.

Randy the Ram is a man whose EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE SYSTEM made all his decisions.  

. . . Tomorrow:  The Lawn Mower Fueling Incident . . .