Tag Archives: body

Feathers At the Check-out Stand

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 The feathers.  As you all remember (Doubt entry) when the lady went up on her roof and split the pillow?  She learned what happens when gossip, or any negative or positive bit  (flake, feather, comment) is set free in the world.  The effect is like thousands of little bits of what you say lands on, sticks to, and changes others. AND remember–NO GUILT here thinking about all the negative feathers you’ve shot into the atmosphere. 

None.  Stop it. 

You remember when something against the rules was done in your third grade class, and the teacher looked out across the room and said, “I’m not talking to all of you, only the one who did this…”  You and I and the rest of the folks I see wanting to work on self… we cringed and felt bad and we hadn’t even done it.

And we’re not putting our energy there in 2009.  We’re putting our energy on quieting the pillow-ripper, the feather blower in our own heads. Our INNER TORTURER.

Our ravaging EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE SYSTEM.  Because that’s where the work starts.  Until we get in better charge of our own INNER TORTURER,  we’re spitting downer feathers because all those “you can’t do it” flakes we’re spewing on our lives keep us from even VISUALIZING what is possible. 

So, I’m in the Dallas-Ft. Worth airport, in my third hour of waiting for a late plane.  The best I can do is wander the stores and read magazine headlines.  Which is when I asked myself, “Do the feathers blown into our brains off magazines, do they stick?  The following are the lead stories from two of these.   

Men’s Health:   Lose Your Gut!  See results in 8 days.  15 Powerful foods that fight fat.  Free workout poster.

Women’s Health:  Lose  Your Belly!  See results in 8 days.  No poster.

  So, that’s been the problem.    No flipping poster!

WHY “TAKING CARE of the other’s ANXIETY” DOESN’T WORK

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mv5bmty0nzexmdqzm15bml5banbnxkftztywotezmtg3__v1__cr1180480480_ss90_.jpg     Setting:  The yard stretching between a Southern mansion and a river is scattered with leftover wedding guests.  The glowing bride steps over to the serving table and picks up the saucer with what was left from her slice of wedding cake used in the cross-over, feed-each-other ritual.  She smiles, gazes into the distance as if she sees a beautiful future.  She nestles the cake in her hand and takes a nip. 

     The groom rushes up, takes the saucer out of her hand, and stares hard at her.  vm__cr840317317_ss100_afterthesunset.jpg   “Not with your fingers!  There are people here!”

     The bride’s expression darkens, as if she is seeing mv5bmtuyndk4nju2mv5bml5banbnxkftztywmzc1mta3__v1__cr00450450_ss100_.jpg  an . . .  entirely . . . different future.     

     I may have used this bride before, as I often recall and share her changing expression when I present to groups and teach.  I’m bringing it up here to say, her changed view of WHAT IS POSSIBLE is not his fault.  It’s not her “fault” either.  She is, however, the one in charge of that future.

     Does she smile at him, remove his hand sweetly, and say, “I love you so much, but your probably stuck with me eating with my fingers.  I’m actually better off than my sisters.  They can’t even identify the three main utensils.”  She smiles.  But she doesn’t adapt to keep him calmed down when she doesn’t agree with him.  She squeezes his hand, does a cute thing with her eyebrows.  jenna2.jpg

     She makes a boundary and takes responsibility for doing the best job she can to be clear without being defensive. 

 mv5bmtkzmta0ode1nf5bml5banbnxkftztcwmjgwmdkxmq__v1__cr00335335_ss100_.jpg  Later:  Shrink attempts Self Definition on airplane.

Yea, TYRA!

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vm__cr00353353_ss100_.jpg     Yesterday, I was flipping through the channels during a Court TV (Tru TV) break and there was Tyra interviewing guests.  Each woman in the audience had a large square of paper taped to the front of her shirt.  The square read, “My True Weght” (or something close).  The idea was that at the end of the show all papers would come off, including Tyra’s, and we’d have a chance to see just how worthwhile each woman was.

   Tyra chants, “One, two, three,” and off they come.  Under the paper?  “SCREW THE SCALES.”

   How great is that?  Just taking women’s number one reason to feel bad and stupid and laughing right in its face.  I’ve never had scales and suggest to the women I see to dump those ridiculous torture machines!

   But, “Oh, oh,” come the frightened cries.    psycho81.jpg  “If a woman doesn’t weigh herself, won’t she lose all control and get fatter and fatter until she’s not worth anything at all anymore?  How will she possibly know what to do?”

      Well . . . NO.  Women are not stupid just because we’ve been brain-washed to believe it’s just real important not to just know what we weigh, it’s flipping critical to know our PERCENTAGE OF BODY FAT.  Now who came up with that one?  Women were actually PAYING to have a DOCTOR    vm__cr00298298_ss100_.jpg  tell us a set of numbers we were supposed to so seriously battle against.

     Hey, we have MIRRORS.  We have CLOTHES.  We can SEE our bodies and, more importantly, we are not such CHILDREN that we DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS when we CAN’T FIT INTO clothes we wore before.

The Emperor Has No Clothes!  We have fallen for our own obsession.  And what hurts, what really, really hurts, is seeing so many wonderful, intelligent, funny, beatiful women convinced they would be better people if they lost weight.  When did butt-size become the measure of a woman?    When did we bow our heads and accept the “INTERNAL TORTURER?”

 The rant shall continue.  Having spent my first years out of graduate school working with eating disorders and the years since working with depression and marriages in trouble –I’m not getting off of this for a while. vm__cr00450450_ss90_.jpg