Dateline:  Del Mar Racetrack…Where the Surf Meets the Turf.

Ta-da!  Introducing a new wrestling federation.  The EWW.  The EMOTIONAL WEENIES of the WORLD. 

Rise up fellow EWW’s and join in the struggle we each have everyday battling back emotionally driven, time-wasting thinking habits that drive us and those around us absolutely and painfully insane.

How do you know if you belong in the EWW?

For starters, how well do you handle yourself when you do not get your way?

Oh, what a lovely, simple question….And yet, most of us, no, I’m going to say all of us…struggle when we do not get our way.   Granted there are those more emotionally mature show-offs who are not as automatically charged up and self-destructive.  But this column is for the rest of us.  The Emotional Weenies of the World. 

Now, of course, when we EWWs do not get our way, we never SAY we are upset because we didn’t get our way.  We SAY we are troubled because our way was the “right and best” way. We SAY we’re only upset because we worked so hard to make everything perfect and then…it wasn’t.  That we deserved better.  That it’s not fair. 

So how are we, the Emotional Weenies of the World, going to keep our lives and blood pressure in check? 

For starters, we can shun situations likely to involve confrontation with the “not getting our way” experience.  This strategy would mean avoiding marriage, family get-togethers, and political discussions, and…as I was reminded this afternoon…the Del Mar Racetrack.

There’s a couple of things to consider before you head for the horse races.  One, if it’s sunny, take a hat. Two, buy a Racing Form.  The Racing Form is loaded with “facts”… which means carrying the newspaper around will lend the impression you fully intend to use your THINKING GUIDANCE SYSTEM when placing your money.  Ha.  We both know you and I will end up betting on the horse with the two white socks and Aunt Harriet’s middle name.

The third requirement for a pleasant afternoon at the track is to never bet more money on a race than you can afford to lose….emotionally.  Not how much you can comfortably lose in reality because reality has nothing to do with a darn thing once we let our “internal torturer” out of the cage to run amok inside our heads.  (Many EWW’s with great wealth anxiously study Wall Street numbers on a daily basis, with ups and downs determining mood… as though losses and gains affect lifestyles and futures…when their assets and income far exceed any possibility of being touched.)

We EWW’s display the same ignoring of reality at the track.  We lose twenty dollars and carry on as if now we must go without food for a week.  Lose four races in a row at two bucks a pop and you’d think we had to sell a kidney by sunset.

We, the Emotional Weenies of the World, put the comfort of what goes on inside our chest cavity, our self esteem, on the line picking a checkout kiosk at the grocery store.  We have no business dragging our immaturity to the racetrack.

But we do.  Thus, how can we the EWW’s, counter our sensitivity to not getting our way? 

Repeat after me:  “Who has the most fun at the track (the movie, the dinner, the afternoon), the person who ends up with the most money?  Or the one who ends up having the most FUN?”

See, there, we did it.  We can now be the big winner no matter what happens.  But it won’t be easy…so fake it till you make it.  Behave “as if” you’re having more fun than you can stand.

And, yes, this is a rationalization.  Yes, this is not the truth.  But, you know, the truth, which is  “I can’t stand not having my way,” is a bit on unpleasantness we don’t need to torture ourselves with….and those around us don’t need to hear it.  Again.  Today.