Dateline: Going live here. Airport, Austin, Texas. Goal: Chicago and certain unfamiliar spots in eastern Iowa and Illinois. (I, a product of the hot sidewalks of Falfurrias, Texas, and other near-border villiages, none of which you have ever heard of, I am not disparaging the rural and small town.)
****Remember, I show you my trembling journey because you, too, are working on becoming more of A SELF-DESIGNED PERSON? Because you, too, want to better manage the anxiety keeping you in chains and wasting your life?… If this isn’t true… if you don’t have any of these issues…there’s always Dr. Laura.
Random Emotional Guidance System Self-talk: “I don’t want to go. I’m too tired. My special person just had three surgeries in ten days. (Good surgeries…the kind done to help you function better.) I’m still not recovered from book launch party as I am congenitally deficit when it comes to hosting crowds….My feet are already are killing me and I didn’t have time to get a pedicure so that my appearance as a street person is complete… I have too much junk to carry…I don’t have any idea where I’m supposed to go…who I’m supposed to meet…and did not I go to graduate school SPECIFICALLY because I’m not good at selling stuff?”
Emotional Guidance System is now in PRIMAL WHINE mode.
Specific Emotional Guidance System “WHAT IF” Fear-inducing Statements in order of CRITICAL IMPORTANCE:
1) WHAT IFs concerned with appearing “cool and in-charge”: (These fearful statements are the fertilizer for ‘blah’ feelings.)
“What if I show up at the book-signing without enough books and come off as silly for going to so much effort?” Even more tragic, “What if I brought too many books and look silly and amateurish?”… “What if I get a lousy, unimpressive rental car?” Or worse, “What if Avis only has SUVs left like happened a couple of weeks ago in L.A. and, like then, I underestimate the height of the vehicle and rip out a couple of water pipes out of the ceiling of the Hilton parking garage? What if I over-react like I did then, back up wildly, and pop off that striped garage entry arm like it was a toothpick?”… “What if I’m the oldest fattest worst dressed person there…given the chipped toenails and all?”
2} WHAT Ifs concerned with “survival”: (These fearful statements actually stir up a little energy, though survival is a concern coming in a distant second to the concern to come across cool and sophisticated.)
“What if I can’t find Galena, Illinois and Dubuque, Iowa? What if it’s too hot? What if it’s scary? What if it’s rush hour traffic when I leave O’Hare in my rental car? What if, if I’m fortunate enough to find Dubuque, but room service is closed down by the time I get there?”
By the way, the need to appear cool and in-charge pretty much ended my ill-fated, short-lived relationship with skiing. I know, I know…catching the lift seat under your rear is easy (right); and no one crashes off the lift after landing on her face the first four or five times…well, guess what? I can handle my lack of cool in most circumstances and I looked as hot and with it as anyone else buried in my ski togs, goggles and wooly hat….but….it was the screaming that got to me…not mine…I refused to utter a peep as careened off the lift chair, gave a little swush, then accomplished more triple axels and whirling manuevers than an Olympic figure skater on crack…before sliding on my face until an act of nature ended by journey. The watchers…the really cool ones…they were screaming in fear. They screamed, too, everytime I got knocked down by the next lift chair when I tried to get up from my first fall. Bunch of weinnies.
Okay, Illinois and Iowa. Here I come. Be gentle. My knees are shot.
