“OPTIMISM” and “CONFIDENCE” are good things, right?

Not always.

Sometimes, optimism and confidence are ACTION STOPPERS.  Often we do NOT ACT because we believe that to accomplish our goal, we MUST HAVE CONFIDENCE.  Before we start, we must be OPTIMISTIC.

The myth of Self Esteem falls in here, but that’s for another day. 

First let’s tackle “optimism.”  Optimism is not enough.  Two examples–

The Case of the Optimistic Husband:  A wife left her husband after being disappointed with her husband’s involvement in, and his lack of enthusiasm for supporting, the family.  As the weeks went by, I’d ask him how it was going as he very much wanted to keep the marriage.  His response was invariably, “I’m optimistic. I think being optimistic is important.”  The problem– he wasn’t DOING ANYTHING to save the relationship.  He was just “being” optimistic.    Optimism didn’t change his functioning and thus, worked against his goal.

The Case of the Aspiring Novelist:  Now I write, (TOO RICH comes out in June.) and I’m the World’s Biggest Weinnie when it comes to showing my work.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, I was so afraid of criticism that at my first writer’s conference, I didn’t even go into a meeting.  Yep, just drove by the hotel, ducking down like someone would be standing on the sidewalk, pointing and saying, “Look at her.  Who does she thinks she is, thinking someone wants to read her manuscript?”

But, a problem I see at writing conferences (Yes, I finally came in.  I used an alias, but hey, baby steps, okay?)– is that many writers think that what’s needed for them to be published is to visualize future success and stay optimistic.    And I see that attitude holding them back.  Yes, optimism is needed to send out those queries.  But optimism is a problem if the writer doesn’t improve their product because he or she is OPTIMISTIC that some agent will eventually like their early draft just the way it is.  Or accept a topic which she can’t sell. 

I see this problem in couples therapy where one partner believes that if someone loves you, he’s supposed to put up with you just the way you are–when some of the ways you are –are annoying.  And if he loves you he won’t ever complain.  I’m not talking about doing the pretzel change thing.  I’m talking about the kind of work on yourself that makes your life better. 

Yep.  We’re back to MANAGING YOUR OWN ANXIETY.    Again.

This is too important to not do more.  And CONFIDENCE deserves it’s own post. So later.

And tomorrow, The “I DON’T DO MORNINGS” Incident.  Postponed to a later date.