Oh yeah, I’m great giving this speech, and I can, on a good day, actually pull it off until some jerk (oops, that gives me away) pulls out in front of me, or someone criticizes me 
(or I think they did), or asks me to do something when I’m feeling overwhelmed (can’t they read my mind?), or ruffles my world in a hundred other ways. Then I hand over my power. 
I can’t do it, if YOU don’t change.
“You MAKE ME feel . . .” 
I claim.
I’ve studied this stuff and I’m still pitiful. Not everywhere. I’m cool on a mental health unit where I’m clearly “in charge.” But at home, with the guy, I’m ready to jump on the “You’re making me feel . . .” victim train at any moment.
I’m being honest here about how hard it is to focus on self as in control of feelings and actions. I’ve taught classes in which at the end of two years an intern will describe how a husband’s depression is completely the wife’s fault. How, if she’d just CHANGE, he’d be a fulfilled man. Ouch.
Then there’s the old stand-by that’s tossed around psych units, the claim, and sometimes STRONGLY HELD BELIEF that all one’s current feelings and life situations are BECAUSE PARENTS–favored a sibling, got a divorce, punished too frequently, worked too much of the time, used money to buy affection, over-protected us . . . or
We are in a bad relationship, in a dead end job, under-functioning, and unhappy because PARENTS–paid too much attention to everything we did, didn’t get a divorce but made us suffer their bad relationship, were too lenient, didn’t support the family, was too cheap to provide for us, did not protect us enough . . .
Sheesh. I’m exhausted just thinking about giving up all these excuses.
Tomorrow: The Early Morning Walk Incident, how one wife (a long ago client) got her “bleep” together while all was falling apart at three in the morning and changed her husband’s opinion of her and her opinion of herself.
